Ivy League Pressure Drives Student to Overload on AP Classes

[Maria]

From a high school senior in Pennsylvania: (name and all identifying details were left off to protect the student's privacy)

I'm a senior in high school suffering from perfectionism. All throughout high school I've struggled so much with my grades, and I've linked everything to those grades. I am completely set on believing that happiness comes from an Ivy League education. Even though I know this isn't true mentally, in my heart, I can't stop obsessing over how much I want/need to go to an Ivy League. I've heard so many times from so many different people that other schools are just as good but I'm so scared for myself when admissions decisions go out (March/April). I'm so scared that I'll do something completely stupid out of devastation....

I get around 3 hours of sleep per night because of homework/extracurriculars, and am constantly worried about how I'm perceived by others. I don't want people to think I'm stupid. I'm driving myself insane because of this. My friend (who was accepted to a graduate program at XXXX college) is taking 6 AP classes this year, so I immediately jumped on board as well. I'm killing myself to get all the work done for these classes. I want to cry all the time and I feel like throwing up when I think about my midyear report. My school administration is putting a LOT of pressure on me to drop an AP class because they recognize that it's getting so bad that I've already missed 7 days of school JUST to do homework. But I am so scared to drop this class because then I'd have to notify ALL the colleges I applied to about this course withdrawal, therefore jeopardizing my admission.

My school guidance counselor has been so supportive, I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her. I'm worried sick about not having her with me next year in college. I honestly DON'T know how I'm going to make it without her constant 150% help.

I'm just always freaking out, even if I have an A-minus I kill myself for it... Even though I rank in the top 5% of my class IT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I freak out because the Ivy League rejects so many valedictorians, top 5% seems awful...

I find no inner peace. I can't be happy unless I did well on a test or got a great grade on something. If I do poorly or not up to my standards, I mope about it. And lately I've been finding ways to avoid studying for things, just to delay knowing how much I DON'T know....

AHHHHH. Please, please please help. I'm so tired, I just want sleep, I just want to be okay.

2nd semester senior year--- is this a time to learn to cope with B's and C's? (Colleges only check your final transcript after the decision, to make sure you're not failing). I really want to relax a little, but I don't know if I'd cry all the time looking at these grades. And I'm worried about getting my admission rescinded, or getting waitlisted and having to send those B's and C's, or needing to transfer and sending those....

I'm just always so anxious! HELP!

(Editor's note from Maria Pascucci, Founder & President of Campus Calm: This student contacted me in January 2010. I responded back to her privately with the help of a certified counselor. I have posted her email anonymously to the forum because so many students contact me with the same levels of stress, and I want all of you to realize that you are not alone. Let's use this forum to discuss these issues and support each other. Please leave your comments/questions below.)

[Leah]

Dear High School Senior,

I think that your academic experience would really benefit from a new attitude. I am in college now, and I remember very well how stressful the admissions process is. However, I was able to stay healthy throughout the whole process by simply changing my academic perspective. I think if you do too, you will be a lot less anxious and much happier!

First of all, please do not obsess about going to an Ivy League. One of the problems in today's society I believe is that what was once expected of a small group of students is now expected of many. Not everybody is supposed to go to an Ivy League school, and I believe that the prestige of the institution you attend is not nearly as important as how good of a fit is it for you. It seems that the college process isn't as individualized as it should be. I encourage you to look outside of the Ivy League schools and look into unique schools that have an amazing program for your intended major, extracurriculars that make you want to sign up for everything, and an administration that will give you as much attention as your High School guidance counselor does! I think if you concentrate on finding the right fit rather than just Ivy League schools, you will feel a lot more comfortable and relieved!

I also think that your anxiety level will go down a lot if you focus on learning in school instead of grades. The chase for perfect grades makes school miserable, and it will give you a lot of bad health symptoms that will make you feel worse physically as well as emotionally. When I was a second semester senior, I only focused on learning and not grades and my grades actually went up! I promise! It is important to focus in school on classes that will give you skills for the future that will help you become successful outside of school: whether it be interpersonal skills from a debate class, learning how to manage a budget by being treasurer of a club at school, or learning how to write persuasively in an English class. These are what will help you achieve success in the future.

Last, don't live your life trying to please the colleges. Your personal health should always come first. What happens if you don't get accepted to an Ivy League university (hypothetically)? Will you look back on the way you lived your life in high school and be happy with it? I encourage you to look into schools that are a good fit for you and making your own academic decisions based on your personal needs. I think you will be much happier and less anxious. Please stop worrying, everything will turn out how it is supposed to in the end-- things always do.

[Maria]

Thanks for your comments and words of wisdom, Leah! You're right, in the words of Denise Clark Pope, author of Doing School, "College is a match, not a trophy. It's the student, not the college, that makes the real difference."

As someone who did stress to the point of physical sickness in school, here's my lesson: Middle school, high school and college will help prepare you for your future, but you are in charge of your own destiny. Soak up all the knowledge you can and enjoy the ride through academia. When you make it out to the other side, it's your passion, persistence and commitment to lifelong learning that will ultimately ensure your happy and successful future, it’s not about the perfect résumé or the perfect GPA from the perfect name-brand college.